Why do you have to hand it over to Glasgow University?

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Congratulations to the University of Glasgow on being named University of the Year for Times Higher Education.

No award is, of course, sufficient to acknowledge the many accomplishments of such an august institution. From the father of economics, Adam Smith, in the 18th century, to former Labor leader John Smith in more modern times, the scholars of the past are a remarkable group.

There have also been a number of students not called Smith over the years, proving that diversity was accepted by the University of Glasgow early on.

While the accomplishment of a good academic institution is readily accepted, it is also true that a degree is not necessary in existence.

As the following highly instructive tutorials from our vaults underscore, a regular dose of journaling is all the education that one wants.

For instance, when we were told about the woman who proclaimed “I only have two pairs of hands.” when she needed support, we once received a crash course in elementary arithmetic.

Hot COMFORT

A Lesson in thermodynamics: One summer, a reader in the West End of Glasgow overheard two young people talking about whether to buy a bag of ice for a party they had in their backyard later on.

“It will melt before we get it home,” one of them said.

“If it does, we can put it in the freezer,” responded the other.

Stopping the Appetizer

A STORY LINE: A reader once went to a posh Belfast hotel for dinner, where the waitress took his order, which included a Marie Rose crab appetizer.

She apologetically reappeared ten minutes later and asked him to change his order to Marie Celeste shrimp because the kitchen had run out of shrimp.

U.S. ..

GEOGRAPHY FOR BEGINNERS: A Glasgow student in Cambridge once had a chat at a nearby pub with an American traveler.

The brave explorer from abroad said at some point, “So the Boat Race takes place between Oxford and Cambridge? I took a look at the map – seems like an awfully long way.”

With vocabulary in limbo

A foreign language course: Two Glasgow lads spotted a guy in their pub that they had never seen before. He was asked by one where he was from. “Saskatoon, Saskatchewan,” answered the tourist.

The Glaswegian went back to his friend and said, “I couldn’t get anything out of him. He doesn’t speak English.”

Ranger Moan

EDUCATION SPORTS: We recall the period when Sir Alex Ferguson was a belligerent Rangers player who was upset with being relegated. He charged into Ibrox’s manager’s office and asked Symon, a Scot, why he had been playing for three weeks in the second team.

‘Because we don’t have a third squad,’ replied Symon.

Dreadful spelling

BASIC spelling: an employee who was out for two days with a disturbed stomach got a sick note from a manager in Falkirk.

He had unceremoniously settled on the name “skitters.” after four failed attempts to spell diarrhea, both of which were crossed out.

Gone to putt to putt

A PhD in the bitter disappointments of life, an elderly gentleman at an Ayrshire golf club once said, “Finally, everything is starting to click.” Then he added, “My knees, my elbows, my neck…”

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