The Donald goes through the apology alphabet


And DONALD Trump. Know him, do you? Of course you’re doing… A stubborn, loud-mouthed fellow with blond hair (or at least someone somewhere at some point had blond hair before Donald managed to grab it and then put it on his own bones).

As you can remember, in the dark ages, Mr. Trump was President of the United States. But now Joe Biden, ready for his own dynamic presidency, has installed his slippers, jimjams, and nightcap in the Oval Office.

Yet Mr. Trump continues to challenge the election and now says that he was cheated of victory somehow by Venezuela.

Brian Wadham, the Reader, is not persuaded. “To claim that the Venezuelans stole his election shows that Trump has reached the end of the alphabet,” Brian says. “Now all he can do is blame werewolves, yetis and zombies.”

Hijinks of Nou

A famous figure, a master motivator and shrewd tactician is robbed of soccer by the death of former Dundee United soccer manager Jim McLean. The diary remembers the triumph of his team over Barcelona in 1987 at the Nou Camp, which helped the Tangerines reach the semifinals of the UEFA Cup.

John Clark, who scored a goal for United, regretted in a post-match interview that the team could only have a few drinks afterwards because they “had a big game against Rangers on Saturday.”

United’s McLean. They lived hard, they played hard. Only winning looked easy.

Talking balls

McLean understood Scottish soccer better than most, although the jury is still out on how well comedian Jo Caulfield knows soccer.

Jo reveals, “I gave my husband a new Glasgow Celtic sweater. He’s furious. He says he wanted a Glasgow Rangers sweater. What’s the big deal? It’s ALL Glasgow, isn’t it?”

Jo defends her fatal soccer faux pas, saying she’s a true student of the game, “I’ve seen Escape To Victory. I know all about soccer.”

Boxing Day Blues

Most Christmas shenanigans are over, but reader David Donaldson thinks Dec. 26 should forever be called Boxed-In Day because of certain rules.

Smooth coleslaw

Gary: Tank Commander star Greg McHugh made too much coleslaw over the holidays. Luckily, he has a nifty plan. “I froze it, and my ‘Ice Coleslawllies’ will be ready soon,” he enthuses.

Watch your language

An older gentleman who used to work with reader Gordon Wright came out with all sorts of convoluted phrases, once saying, “I had an appointment at the infirmary yesterday. I was asked to undress in a cuticle.”

High Times

OUR readers are making New Year’s resolutions. “I want to go skydiving before I die,” says Tam Smith. “Not RIGHT before I die, though.”


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