Oh, happiness… After Serbia pays the euro fine, Wordsworth inspires a ditty for Scotland

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With respect, a certain Wordsworth Esq, soccer fan Matt Spicer provides us with the following ode to the national team:

“Bliss it was that night to be alive,

When Serbia couldn’t get to five.”

Boogie evenings, boogie nights

There are some people who are never happy. On social media, Steve Houston notes that the song “Yes Sir, I Can Boogie,” which has somehow become the unofficial national anthem of the Scottish team, may now be headed for the top of the charts.

“Scotland, huh?” rants Steve. “Where you have a say in what goes to No. 1, but no say in who goes to No. 10.”

Short story

Our readers continue to shock us with stories of how cruel people can be to small people. George Smith of Clydebank remembers working with a man who was 5 feet or so tall (the “or so” is zero).

“The story was that he had a Saturday job as a bouncer at a playgroup for children under five,” George says.

Ghost Story

This is the time of year when brave people tell spooky stories by the crackling fireplace, although comedian Joe Heenan believes the only real scares come from parents. “Having a teenage daughter is a lot like having your house haunted,” he explains. “Every once in a while you see a figure in the corner of your eye, followed by a moaning sound, and then a door slams shut.”

Games people play

NETFLIX drama The Queen’s Gambit centers on the fiercely competitive world of chess. Jonathan Mitchell wonders if the TV show will give the already popular board game a boost. Unfortunately, our reader never learned the game himself. He once asked his father to teach him, but his disobedient parent refused for political reasons.

“Chess is all about kings and queens,” the father explained to the son. “You’re better off with Ludo. It’s much more democratic.”

Happy chit-chat

WITH the hopeful news of a vaccine against the coronavirus, the Diary asks its readers to think of cheerful and life-affirming phrases with a particularly Scottish twist.

Ken Johnson, from Lochwinnoch, has been thinking about this task with his wife and both have concluded that there is already an abundance of blissful and life-affirming expressions in Scotland.

Two expressions Ken remembers are: “I’m not so bad” and “I’ve never died in winter”.

Ken’s wife contributes the even more rapturous phrase: “Oh, I’m feeling so good right now.”

Rockin’ note

AMERICA has many spectacular views, notes well-traveled reader Frank Fowler. “The beauty of Mount Rushmore before the carvings was unimaginable,” he points out.

ENDING.

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