If there’s one thing that women in New York City are better at than anybody else, it’s turning Sunday brunch into a work of art.
Sunday, which was formerly set aside for church confessions, has come to represent that most revered meal. It is now common to set aside two hours for unlimited cocktails supplied alongside saucy revelations, never at home (always at an upscale café or bar). Oh, and a croissant or two, as it’s always a good idea to line the stomach.
These days, we would rather toast with champagne than seek absolution from a priest, who, let’s be honest, would need an Olympic-sized pool of holy water to wash away our sins.
And a good catch-up with the gals is the best way to purify the soul.
After learning that women have a severe sex issue in a Manhattan bar last Sunday, my pals and I thought it was time to address this over a mimosa—okay, three mimosas.
A buddy was talking about how she had recently met a man she had been crushing on for months, only to find out he was garbage in the bedroom.
Yes, as we Australians like to say, old pal was a dud root.
I advised her to give him some advice to help him move in the right path while she attempted to defend ending their relationship. Consider it akin to a performance evaluation.
Mail+ contributor Jana Hocking’s most recent Sealed Section piece, which discusses the sex concerns women are too scared to share with their spouses and partners, was inspired by a drunken lunch in New York City. “Oh, no, I couldn’t! You know how fragile men’s egos are!”She uttered those words. Unfortunately, we all agreed.
Indeed, many women are still too bashful to ask for what they truly want in the bedroom, even in a time when open discussions about intimacy are slowly becoming less taboo.
And very few are courageous enough to occasionally offer their men some constructive criticism.
I posted it on Instagram and invited ladies to anonymously share with me any sex-related grievances they are reluctant to discuss with their husbands, boyfriends, or FWBs.
The responses that flooded my inbox were frank—and occasionally amusing—observations about what truly irritates them in the bedroom.
I soon identified a few recurrent motifs as I read through them all.
Becoming quiet
Surprisingly, the most frequent grievance I heard was that guys were utterly silent during intercourse.
Jana was shocked to receive a ton of direct messages from women who don’t understand why the males in their lives don’t say anything at all during sex (stock image posed by models).
I must admit, after finally ending my dry spell this week (wait your applause) with a man who was incredibly talkative, I understand.
Kelly* told me about her ex-husband’s refusal to make noise in the bedroom. “I’m not a loud moaner,” he always remarked, which I appreciated, but it seemed like he wasn’t having fun. He did occasionally finish quickly, so I knew I was doing something properly, but every now and then I would have enjoyed a nice old “oh god, that feels amazing”
Women may find it difficult to discern whether their partner is enjoying themselves or merely going through the motions when they are silent. A little verbal criticism goes a long way for a lot of us.
We’ll provide you much more if you let us know what you like and reassure us a little. Believe me!
The foreplay disaster
This was yet another popular subject. Men don’t warm up; they just go right for penetration.
“I’ve found Australian men don’t have a strong foreplay game,” said Camilla, one of my followers who recently relocated here from Mexico. “I’m Latina, and before I moved here, our men (specifically Mexican) really knew what they were doing.”
It’s obvious that having good sex involves more than just the primary event. It’s all about the build-up, the suspense, and the lighthearted investigation that creates the conditions for a memorable encounter.
In conclusion, just because you’re at full mast doesn’t mean you should rush in.
The indolent lover
Yes, the dull old routine. After arriving home, eat dinner, watch TV, and then take a little nap in bed before turning out the lights.
Oh, how many women are familiar with it. For some guys, it might be sufficient, but the monotony and predictability can dampen the flame.
“Lazy, same old, same old sex,” Sally* vented in my direct messages. For heaven’s sake, get it out of the bedroom and f**k me over the kitchen table!
Sally, I understand your suffering. Guys, change things up a bit and occasionally surprise us with a cheeky good time outside the bedroom. Moving can actually start a fire again.
Just don’t jackhammer.
To put it plainly, guys, we detest jackhammering.
For those who are unaware, jackhammering is essentially what it sounds like: constant, machine-like thrusting, typically with the guy below and the woman on top.Women frequently complain about “jackhammering” (stock image staged by models).
In brief bursts, it can be an eye-popping and enjoyable experience, but when done excessively, it can also be painful, monotonous, and just plain dull.
One woman immediately sent me a direct message after I posted a callout on social media, yelling, “Stop the jackhammer!” Mate, slow the f**k down!
Think about Laura* and her boyfriend Mike* as well. Mike showed off his sexual stamina and thought his forceful, high-energy approach was a good crowd-pleaser in their early days together.
But Laura quickly discovered that Mike’s athletic zeal was actually just his mechanical, formulaic attitude to sex, and she quickly became weary of it.
You see, guys, jackhammering gives us the “f***ed” feeling that every woman craves occasionally, but there’s no gentleness. We never experience the sensation that our body are in harmony. Instead of feeling like participants, we feel like bystanders.
Laura made a straightforward argument to her boyfriend: a slower, more deliberate pace is far preferable to an unrelenting assault.
And we’ll ask for jackhammering if we want it!
“Sometimes we want you to just stay still while we’re on top… STOP moving” is the movement conundrum.
Finding a shared rhythm is a key component of intimacy in many partnerships. A clear illustration of a common error made by males in bed was given by Catherine*.
Her lover’s tendency to fidget, move, and try to thrust ruined the moment whenever she took the lead in the cowgirl position.”She remarked, “It seems like he’s trying to get me to perform three different positions in less than five minutes.”
His continual movement severed the connection and made it nearly impossible for Catherine to reach her climax rather than letting her express herself and find the perfect moment.
How did she resolve the issue? A few firm words: “Please don’t move!”
All she needed for a fantastic ending was for her partner to remain still for a few minutes while she did her magic on top.
See, boys? Sometimes doing nothing at all is the simplest way to demonstrate your concern! Simply relax and take in the performance.
Yes, we are aware that you take Viagra.
For men who enjoy using “performance enhancers” in the bedroom, here’s a spoiler: your lips and face are covered in your little secret.
Yes, we can typically tell when you’re taking Viagra because of how flushed you get! Oh, and even if we’re worn out, you always want to go for round two (or maybe three!).
For the men who actually have ED, this is typically not a problem. I’m referring to younger men who consider themselves “sexual athletes” yet don’t actually require it.
For men who use “performance enhancers” in the bedroom, this is a spoiler: your little secret is written all over your lips and (very flushed!) face (stock image of Viagra pills).
Every woman has experienced a man who wants to be “up all night” and is prepared to go again after an oddly brief period of time. It’s exhausting!
I was happy that I wasn’t the only one observing this pattern when Shondra* crept into my direct messages with a similar admission.
She informed me that their intimacy had become a never-ending cycle of “rounds” that felt more like a competition than a shared pleasure.
Her boyfriend’s usage of sex drugs was evident not only from his reddened face but also from his ability to continue after they had both reached their climax.
His excessive approach occasionally left her wondering if it was about real connection or just the effects of a medication, even though his objectives were to satisfy.
In a similar vein, another woman said to me, “I wish the guy would just stop instead of going on and on and on if neither of you is going to get to the finish line.”
What is the takeaway? Less is sometimes more. Additionally, penises aren’t supposed to be hard for extended periods of time.
TikTok tricks gone bad
Don’t get me wrong, we adore a man who researches the best ways to seduce women. All of you are kings, yet the method you discovered on TikTok is ineffective.
Even the most private settings can be invaded by social media trends. Everybody has embarrassed themselves by attempting to learn a stupid new dance for the ‘Tok.
However, Nina*, one of my followers, reminisced about a night she spent with her partner, who was excited to show off a new “technique” he had seen online by a former porn star.
It was advice on “going downtown” with a woman. The excessively staged action appeared forced, out of place, and didn’t fit his flow, rather than improving the experience.
Nina described him as “a slobbering dog,” which left her perplexed and, to be honest, a little amused by the whole situation.
The event provided as a lesson that not all viral trends translate to real-life chemistry, even though experimentation can be enjoyable.
Any day of the week, a genuine connection is preferable to a planned move.
Beyond size: embracing genuineness “Stop worrying about your size.” For the most part, we don’t care.
I was thrilled to receive some reinforcement in my direct messages that I’m spot on because I feel like I talk about this one a lot.
Yes, many women value partners who prioritize emotional connection over physical characteristics in a world full with insecurities and unattainable ideals.
The story of Rachel serves as an example. Her lover used to be constantly fixated on dimensions and comparing himself to other men.
However, Rachel discovered that acts of compassion, genuine affection, and good humor were considerably more significant to her.
She really want a companion who prioritized closeness and enjoyment over flimsy standards like “Am I bigger than your ex?”
He eventually moved past that.
Look, guys, I know you’ll always be troubled by the size issue. After all, unless you want to spend thousands of dollars on some terrible plastic surgery, you are stuck with what you were born with; it’s not a muscle you can work out at the gym to make bigger.
So, yeah, if you feel like you don’t measure up, my heart aches for you. But believe me, we genuinely don’t give a damn.
The issue of pornography “Yes, we can tell when you watch too much porn.”
To be quite honest, I usually assume to myself, “Oh, he definitely watched porn today, or masturbated, or both,” when a guy takes a long time to climax.
It’s a little bothersome!
Sometimes all we need is a good 10-minute roll in the hay, but it might take much longer for a guy to finish if he has already blown his load. It also becomes monotonous and tedious, much like the jackhammer.
However, my friend Emily* started to have unreasonable expectations in the bedroom as a result of porn entering her partner’s life.
Occasionally, he would attempt to replicate situations that were more appropriate for the screen than a real-life partnership.
Emily observed that some absurd gestures that only women in porn could make seem enjoyable undermined the spontaneity and organic rhythm of their connection.
He even proposed light choking one day since “all women love it.”
No, no, I believe you will discover that is untrue. Oh, men, sometimes you may be so innocent.
What is the answer, then?
- Speak up, express your preferences, and reassure us with a straightforward “that feels amazing.”
- Go more slowly and pay attention to how our bodies respond. Don’t just keep hitting us.
- Give up using porn for sex advice.
- Don’t worry about your elderly man’s size.
- Change things up. Why not occasionally engage in some raucous behavior outside of the bedroom?
- Give up on the idea that we desire an eight-hour sex marathon. As long as we both get off, a quicky can occasionally be just as enjoyable.
When you think about it, it’s actually pretty easy!
