PRINCE Andrew could shock guests at his daughter Princess Eugenie’s wedding – drawing on a long list of embarrassing royal scandals.
The father-of-the-bride will have to resist the urge to rinse ex-wife Sarah Ferguson, sister-in-law Camilla Parker-Bowles, and the last addition to the family Jack Brooksbank.
Our friends at Great Speech Writing have come up with some hilarious ideas for Andrew’s address.
In a cheeky nod to Fergie’s infamous toe-sucking scandal, it reads: “Fergie, I’ll never forget you dressed head to toe under a perfect sun…
“Or seeing you with a head even closer to toe on the front page of The Sun.”
“My sister-in-law Camilla is otherwise engaged – but we’re not ones to hold grudges, are we girls?”
What Prince Andrew could say, according to Great Speech Writing
Fergie was caught having her toes sucked and kissed by her “financial advisor” John Bryan after separating from Andrew.
Picking up on the Duchess of York’s infamous cash-for-access scandal, the mock speech reads: “And as we know, marriages may fail but love never dies.
“Particularly when undercover reporters are happy to pay a few hundred grand for access to yours truly.”
Fergie famously offered a reporter access to Andrew for a mere £500,000.
Referring to claims Camilla has snubbed Eugenie’s wedding, Andrew could taunt: “My sister-in-law Camilla is otherwise engaged – but we’re not ones to hold grudges, are we girls?”
The monologue goes on to crack wise about the Republic campaign to cut government funding for the wedding, reading: “I know 38,000 people have signed a delightful petition suggesting that £2m was a ridiculous amount to spend on a wedding – and I couldn’t agree more.
“But the planners have done their best to work through austerity.”
And if the Prince really wanted to leave guests red-faced he could drop a sly dig about Fergie’s lack of an invitation to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding reception.
Great Speech Writing suggested he say: “Fortunately our budget stretched far enough to invite all of Eugenie’s family.”
Adding: “See Harry, it’s possible after all.”
Eugenie and Jack will marry at St George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle, the same venue where Prince Harry and Meghan Markle tied the knot in May.
ITV will broadcast the ceremony live in a This Morning special programme called This Morning at the Royal Wedding.