KATY Perry has spoken of her “shame” at needing medication for depression.
The 35-year-old singer, who is expecting a baby any day with Orlando Bloom, said that she couldn’t get out of bed for weeks, and needed to get medical help.
“I broke up with my boyfriend. My expectations weren’t met and the world didn’t want to hear from me anymore at that moment,” she told Apple Music’s Zane Lowe to promote her new album, called Smile.
“They were like, ‘That’s enough. Thank you very much. You’ve given us something and we’re good.’
“And I just couldn’t get out of bed for weeks and became clinically depressed and had to get on medication for the first time in my life.”
Perry added, “I was so ashamed of it. I was like, ‘I’m Katy Perry. I wrote ‘Firework.’ I’m on medication. This is f***ed up.’ “
The star revealed to Lowe that her battle with her mental health had got harder once she was in her 30s.
“The older you get, the more real life gets and the harder it gets to hold onto the pain that helped you create. No longer is that pain helping you create songs,” Perry said told him.
“It’s just tormenting your mind at that point, especially in your 30s, when just life, things start to ache. Your body starts to not function. Your metabolism goes south. All things start to change in your 30s, but there’s so much clarity that comes from it as well.
“I was getting pretty high off my own supply for a long time, and then it just didn’t work after Witness,” she said of her fifth studio album, which was released in 2017.
The Roar hit-maker said the point of transition came after years of turning her pain into chart-topping hits.
“I realized, ‘Oh my God. I have given so much power out for validation and acceptance and love, and now it’s not coming back to me.’
“I used to really be able to fix my depression or my bouts of depression by just going, ‘I’m going to write a freaking song,’ or, ‘I’m going to do this. So blah, blah, blah. I’m going to whatever. I’ll leave you in the dust. You break up with me, I’ll show you. Here’s a No. 1 one.’ It didn’t work anymore,” the Dark Horse star said.
“Even when you’re the most famous person on the planet, coming from me, I mean, this is my own experience. I still didn’t feel good enough. I still didn’t feel like I was in the club. I still didn’t feel worth it,” she shared.
“I just was like, ‘This is really happening to me? And also like, why me?’ Not why me, but just like, I never really got to fully enjoy it because I never accepted it. You know? Because the truth of the matter is, is fame is a by-product for me. It’s not the reason why I started my career. It’s not the reason why I write the songs,” Perry explained, later adding, “For me, music was so, and still is, so healing.”
The star explained that she had to learn to turn down the negative narrative in her mind.
“The last two-and-a-half years have been a psychological, spiritual, emotional journey of just pulling the petrified poison out of my body and rewiring my neural pathways and that negative thought ticker that keeps coming says, ‘You’re just lucky. You’re just cute. You’re not really good. You’re not very talented. You’re lucky. You’re just lucky,’ or, ‘You’re not worth it. You’re not good enough. You’re getting old. You’re fat,’ all that s***,” she told him.
“I figured out how to quiet it the f*** down,” Perry noted.
The star is heavily pregnant with her first child with actor fiance Orlando Bloom.
They are expecting a little girl.
Katy said that the happy news of their new addition has given her perspective.
“I feel like I’ve got more dimension. I have a baby on the way. I have a fiancé. I love my nieces. I love my soon-to-be stepson. I love life,” she said of Bloom’s 9-year-old son Flynn.