DEAR DEIDRE: I AM in a relationship with a guy three times my age and it’s been passionate – but now he talks all the time about seeing other girls and it’s undermining my confidence in bed.
He is 61 and a French lecturer at my university. I’m a girl of 19 and doing a degree in early- childhood studies. I want to work abroad when I’m qualified so went to a conversation class he runs.
He paid me a lot of attention and asked me out for a drink after one class — this was last autumn. Things went really well between us. I know it’s a big age gap but he’s very good-looking and also funny.
We started off as friends with benefits but then I started staying round his place from Monday to Friday, and we quickly fell into domestic roles.
He said it was better if we had our own social life at weekends so I could keep up with my uni friends — which made sense, I suppose.
When lockdown arrived he suggested I stay with him, rather than go home to my mum’s. I have three younger brothers and the house is very crowded, so I jumped at the idea.
It was like being a real couple and I loved it, but our sex life seemed to suffer. When I was there full-time it was as if it was not quite so special any more.
When lockdown eased and pubs and restaurants reopened, he said we needed some time apart from one another and I should see my family, so I have been going back home for weekends.
It has been brilliant to see them but he’s now talking all the time about other girls he sees at weekends — and he clearly makes more of an effort with them than he does with me, like taking them out to nice restaurants.
He hasn’t taken me anywhere for months.
It really scared me when I asked him what these girls say about our relationship and he said he doesn’t tell them about me. I’m driving myself crazy worrying whether he’s fed up with me.
DEIDRE SAYS: He certainly seems to be taking you for granted and is likely to be cheating on you – which brings risks of passing on the virus and sexual infection.
I bet he is happy to have you doing all his domestic chores, but his appreciation of you has fallen away so badly it is eating into your self-esteem.
Please break with him before he destroys your self-confidence all round, and not just in bed.
Get back to socialising with your fellow students.
You may come to realise his relationship with you could be seen as an abuse of power.
You can find advice and support, if you need it, from your student union advice service.