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Is it ever okay to date a loved ones’ ex? Expert asks if some couplings should be off limits

Is it ever okay to date a friend or family member’s ex?

Is it ever okay to date a friend or family member’s ex?

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An Australian dating coach has tackled the tricky issue of whether it’s OK to date a friend or family member’s ex, or if you are ‘allowed’ to date someone your friend was interested in first.

Relationship expert Louanne Ward, from Perth in Western Australia, posed the controversial question in her Facebook group She Said, He Said, calling on members to decide if there are ‘limits’ to who you couple up with. 

Some people were of the opinion that it could possibly work out with a friend’s ex so long as there was a ‘long chat’ before anything was initiated, while others said when someone leaves your ‘inner circle’ they shouldn’t be allowed to come back. 

‘Yes I think it can be okay but be upfront and honest. I would ask my friend or family member if it bothered them before making a decision to move forward,’ one person said.

‘I think it would be improper to be involved with someone very early in the break up but if years have past and the hurt has gone I feel anything may be possible,’ said another.

A third agreed that the prospect of love can be found anywhere: ‘I don’t see anything wrong with it, we’re all supposed to be adults. Sometimes if two people are meant to be together they have to follow their hearts’. 

One woman questioned why you needed to ‘get with’ someone your friend or family member had when there are ‘so many more fish in the sea’.

‘If it was one date or a dinner, then fine, go ahead because it wasn’t serious. If it is a long term ex partner, there are 30 million other people to date, I don’t see the need. They aren’t a friend worth keeping,’ she said.

‘No, exes are exes for a reason. They have left the family or friendship circle. You don’t bring them back in but I guess you could leave too,’ said another.

A third added: ‘I’m a loyal person so if it wasn’t okay I wouldn’t go there. My relationship with my friend or family is more important’.

Louanne said she had once set up the ex-partner of the man she was dating, only to have him cheat on her with the same ex.

‘I guess we never really know how our decisions will impact others. Jealousy, hurt and betrayal is often different between individuals as we have varying perceptions,’ she said to answer her own question.

‘It is also impossible to predict how someone may react. Safe to say if there was bad blood between the friend and their ex timing would count but sometimes people see it as a lack of loyalty no matter how much time has past.’

It was interesting to note that many of the messages said that a family member’s ex was ‘more off limits’ than a friends’ ex.

Equally, plenty of people believed that being ‘interested’ in someone your friend wanted to date was fine so long as this was cleared with that same pal.  

‘As long as you do what feels right for you it’s hard to make a mistake. No matter what we do someone is always judging us,’ Louanne said. 

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