DEAR DEIDRE: I LOVE my partner but am having fantastic sex with another woman.
We are very much in love too.
My wife went off with my best friend ten years ago.
I thought I would never recover but I met my present partner through friends a year later and within months we started a relationship.
I was 46, she was 41 and we were very happy for several years.
We then met another couple on holiday in Spain three years ago. We lived only a few miles apart so we carried on our friendship after getting home.
The husband, who is in his sixties, had a stroke the following year and his wife, who is 20 years younger, became his carer.
One day she had an electrical problem at home. I’m an electrician so I offered to help.
It was the first time we had chatted on our own and we had a real laugh.
Her husband used to go to a rehab centre twice a week and I started popping in for a coffee when passing.
After some months, I was beginning to fall for her. She kissed me one day and we ended up in bed. The sex was amazing.
This has carried on for the past couple of years. Being apart during lockdown was hard but made us even stronger.
My partner found out last month when she looked at my phone and saw a sexy photo of my lover. Then all hell broke loose.
You can imagine her reaction and the things she called me.
She has spread it around the village where we live and told my family. I’ve offered to move out but she doesn’t want us to split up.
I care about her and would never want to hurt her but she watches me like a hawk, 24/7.
I feel like I’m suffocating. I want to be with my amazing lover and she wants to be with me.
DEIDRE SAYS: Maybe so – but it is all just wishful thinking unless you are both willing to act and pay the inevitable price.
Meanwhile, if you are having sex with your lover, you are risking everyone’s health with Covid-19 still around.
The fact is you can’t be with your lover without hurting your partner and having a lot of people think badly of you. Are you ready for that?
If not, better stop your affair and work with your partner to strengthen your relationship.
Even if you are ready to break with your partner, is your lover ready to leave her husband? In theory, she could still provide much of his care.
Would he be understanding? Would others understand?
It is make-or-break time. If you are not going to be together, stop hankering for the out-of-reach and talk to your partner about how to make each other happy. Counselling would help.
See relate.org.uk or tavistockrelationships.org.
on on or EMAIL [email protected]