DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend and I have great times in bed – but he only ever messages me if he wants sex. I’ve had enough of it all.
We met online. He’s a divorcee of 31 and I’m a single mum aged 27.
It was brilliant at first. He was charming and funny and full of compliments. He ticked all the right boxes.
But we’ve slipped into a pattern. He’ll message me saying: “I’ve got a free night tonight. Come over.”
I’ll try to sort it so that my little girl is with her dad, and my boyfriend will open the wine and then we’ll have sex.
I ended up commenting on it and before lockdown he kept promising to take me on a proper date.
He said he wanted to take me out for dinner. The thought of that kept me going.
But he’s gone cold on me since the restrictions have been lifted.
We arrange a date but he bails at the last moment and it never happens. We have sex then I don’t hear from him for days on end.
He has been working from home and is busy but he doesn’t reply when I’ve messaged him.
He says he doesn’t always see my messages.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt but the other day I saw that he’d been out with friends as he’d posted pictures on Instagram.
Last weekend was my birthday and he messaged me wishing me a happy day and saying: “Fancy a romantic night now that you’re mine?” My heart nearly jumped out of my chest.
I went running over to his for the evening but it was the same old thing — we had some wine and I had sex with him.
Now it’s been three days and not a word. I’m feeling like a mug.
The problem is I really have feelings for him. I can’t let go.
He’s on my mind from the moment I wake up until last thing at night.
He gets me through the day but it feels like a one-sided relationship.
DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds like it. He says, “Jump” and you ask, “How high?”
The longer you allow this to go on, the longer he will behave in the same, self-centred way.
Don’t settle for this empty, loveless, no-strings-sex deal for a moment longer.
Tell him that unless he’s going to step up and show you he’s serious about having a full-on relationship, then the sex stops now.
Maybe he is fearful of commitment but you have to show him that you are sincere about making things between you work.
Hold out for that proper date and if he bails on you once more, you will know he is not the man for you.
If things do not turn out as you would like, then my e-leaflet Finding The Right Partner For You will help you to make better decisions when you are ready to start dating again.
on on or EMAIL [email protected]