– Diary: Ok teacher, that’s a mute point

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Teacher taught

A GLASGOW teacher recently told us how difficult Zoom lessons can be. Now another high school instructor from Edinburgh gets in touch to heartily agree.

This fine educator was taking a class using video conference technology, and she found herself berating her students.

“Look at you all,” she said. “When I’m talking I don’t see anyone taking notes. And not one of you has put up a hand to ask a question. Honestly, there’s just no engagement at all…”

As the teacher continued to scold her pupils, one of them managed to say: “Um, miss. You do know you’re on mute?”

Talent scout

WE’VE been recalling the late Sydney Devine, one of Scotland’s most popular entertainers, and a chap who never took himself too seriously. Reader Jim Lindsay tells us that Sydney was a member of his local golf club, and was once approached in the clubhouse by one of the worthies, who asked if he was aware of the monthly social evenings.

Sydney admitted that he was.

“And you know we’re always looking for talented entertainers?” said the worthy.

“Yes,” said Sydney in a ‘Go on, ask if you must’ sort of tone.

“Well,” said the worthy, “Do you know any?”

Comic capers

BBC Middle East Correspondent Martin Patience, who hails from Scotland, admits that he was a very proud daddy when he spotted his young son sitting sweetly reading a comic book for an hour.

“Turns out it was hiding an iPad,” sighs Martin. “Good effort though.”

(And, no, the iPad wasn’t logged into an online version of War and Peace. The little chap was playing games.)

Leap of faith

OUR readers, who are very much of a philosophical bent, have been updating the wise sayings of the learned Chinese sage, Confucius. Norrie Johnstone suggests: Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Belting tune

WE’RE recalling hymns sung during school assemblies, where the lyrics were sneakily adapted by mutinous pupils. Russell Smith tells us that, along with his chums, he would trill with religious fervour the following spiritual number, which celebrated his august Primary School headmaster:

“Old Bill he is a holy man,

He goes to the kirk on Sunday,

And prays to God to give him strength,

To belt the weans on Monday.”

Location, location

WE continue providing alternative meanings for well known locations. Brian Murphy from Anniesland suggests: Dumfries = Speechless Chips.

Quirky quizzing

IN a rather silly mood, reader William Bowden asks us: “What’s brown and sticky?”

The answer is, of course: “A stick.”

Remember when…

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