DANNIELLA Westbrook has revealed her regret at being a bad mum to her two kids during the height of her drug addiction.
The former EastEnders star, 46, who has been clean since last February, said her reliance on cocaine made the lives of son Kai, 23, and daughter Jody, 18, “s**t”.
Speaking on Kai’s Firecast podcast, she said: “It’s caused you nothing but heartache and pain. It’s about consistency, love, nurturing, stability.
“All right, I was clean for 14 years. But before that your life was s***.”
Danielle has battled addiction since she was 14, and in her acting heyday as Sam Mitchell in EastEnders her cocaine usage was so great that her septum disintegrated.
“I’m not going to beat around the bush,” she said. “You might have looked like you had everything in the world, but your life was s*** because I wasn’t present.
“You have given me tough love… there have been times when you’ve not spoken to me for months because you’re that exasperated.”
The soap star, who has wasted £250,000 on cocaine, was so badly hooked on the drug that she took 5g a day while pregnant with Kai and even used in labour.
She managed to avoid drugs for 14 years but a relapse in 2014 once again devastated her family life.
Opening up to her son, she continued: “I know I’ve caused you guys a lot of hassle you didn’t need – a lot of shame, a lot of bullying. I don’t know if I would have the love and the patience if it was one of my family members.
“I just shut that other door like it never happened. I just expect everybody to catch up to where I am.
“I can’t expect that just because I’ve got clean that all of a sudden everyone’s going to forget the pain I’ve caused. I’ve got to realise that it might take other people a bit longer to come around because I have hurt people.”
Last year Danniella revealed she hadn’t seen daughter Jody for three years as she was safer with her dad Kevin Jenkins.
Putting their time apart down to her health battles and a long-running issue with a stalker, Danniella told Jeremy Vine: “Jody is doing her life and she’s doing very well, she’s done brilliantly at school and she’s in college and she’s doing great. And her dad is a great dad and he’s doing what’s best for her, right now.”
The desperate actress sought help from the Jeremy Kyle Show not long after in a celebrity special.
Her physical appearance had deteriorated, leaving her at just six-and-a-half stone and looking years older than her age.
But after a stint in rehab and the support of the Kyle team, she was finally able to kick her habit.
She credits Jeremy with saving her life, previously telling The Sun: “If Jeremy hadn’t reached out to me I would be dead.
“When he saw me for the first time out of rehab he had tears in his eyes. I told him he’d saved my life.”