Outlander actor Steven Cree shows his naked ambition… on a Zoom call

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PREMIUM

THE wife of Outlander actor Steven Cree was on a Zoom call recently. “I had no idea,” explains Steven, “and walked by in the background, completely naked, fresh out of the shower.”

Steven should look on the bright side. After all, most actors are desperately looking for that special role that truly reveals their – ahem – hidden talents.

Shut-eye awry

IT has been an unsettling time for the nation as we are deprived of those exotic pleasures of public transport, office work and window shopping.

Some discombobulated folk have also found the nights becoming a toss-and-turnathon, as they struggle to deal with insomnia.

“They should look on the bright side,” says Glasgow-based theatre impresario, Robert C Kelly. “Only six more sleeps to Christmas.”

Glass half-full guy

MANY years ago, Ian Noble, from Carstairs Village, worked with a sales-manager called Sidney, who was partial to a half-bottle of the hard stuff.

Sadly, he was admitted to hospital following a heart attack. A couple of weeks later Ian and a few colleagues were in the local enjoying their usual bar lunch – two pints and a packet of crisps – when in sauntered Sidney. He proceeded to order a large whisky, which he rapidly downed. It was immediately followed by another. And another.

After he had dispensed with his fourth, a concerned Ian suggested to the thirsty sales-manager he might be over-imbibing a tad.

With a flourish Sidney pulled his hospital discharge letter from his pocket and pointed to the optimistically ambiguous advice contained therein, which stated: “A small refreshment is permitted.”

Insecurity password

THE world is increasingly run by computers that contain vast amounts of our personal information. To protect this top secret info from prying eyes we are often asked to devise password security questions. Reader Calum Sedgman, who is experiencing a certain amount of ennui at the moment, has devised some nihilistic password security questions to suit his mood…

1) On what dank alleyway did you first lose your childhood sense of wonder?

2) When did you first stop trying?

Highland hardman

WE continue to provide alternative meanings for well-known locations. Reader Jim Morrison suggests: Ardlui = a Mafia enforcer.

Train of thought

FOOTBALL broadcaster Jim Spence thinks Aberdeen have made the right choice in agreeing a deal for striker Fraser Hornby. “Good to see the Dons have signed Hornby,” says Jim. “That’ll get them back on track. It’ll be full steam ahead now.”

A bad spell

FRUSTRATED reader Marc Oliver says: “Autocorrect has become my worst enema.”

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