Take my mum-in-law: The Joke is on Gregg

MASTERCHEF star Greg Wallace is having most men’s nightmare living with his mother-in-law.

But the telly cook reckons it will help his relationship with 32-year-old wife Anne-Marie last. Gregg says: “Anne can’t leave me because mum would have to leave as well.”

While he might be happy about it, mothers-in-law have long been the butt of jokes for comedians. Here Nadine Linge rounds up the funniest gags.

• I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbours said: “Are you going to help?” I said: “No, six should be enough.” Les Dawson

• I haven’t spoken to my mother-in- law for 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her. Ken Dodd

• The wife’s mother said: “When you’re dead, I’ll dance on your grave.” I said: “Good. I’m being buried at sea.” Les Dawson

• My wife said: “Can my mother come down for the weekend?” So I said: “Why?” and she said: “Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.” Bob Monkhouse

• We were having tea with mymother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said: “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said: “Alright, get your coat.” Dave Spikey

• I told my mother-in-law my house was her house and she said: “Get the hell off my property.” Joan Rivers

• A police recruit is asked: “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother-in-law?” He replies: “I’d call for back-up.” Bernard Manning

Greg WallaceGETTY

FUN TIMES: Masterchef host lives with his mother-in-law

• I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud’s Chamber of Horrors. An attendant said: “Keep her moving sir, we’re stock-taking.” Les Dawson

• We got a new car for the mother-in-law – that Government scrappage scheme is great! Marc Whiteley

• Getting my mother-in-law to accept a free foreign holiday was easy. The hard part was convincing her Dignitas was Swiss for spa. Sean Lindsay

• My mother-in-law was so mean she blinded herself just to get a free dog. Gary Delaney

• Steve: “My mother-in-law went to the Caribbean.” Fred: “Jamaica?” Steve: “Well I hope so, it’s hurricane season and she’s a horrible person.” Stephen Holford

• My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. Les Dawson

• I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. Henry Youngman

• My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed, I never knew they worked. Les Dawson

• I wanted to do something nice, so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won’t let me plug it in.Henny Youngman

• I can always tell when the mother-in- law’s coming to stay… the mice throw themselves on the traps. Les Dawson

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