Reformed ‘man whore’ Robert Kowalski goes celibate for 6 years

A reformed ‘bad boy’ who spent his twenties bedding beautiful women has found love again after six years of celibacy.

Rob Kowalski, 46, from Maryland, enjoyed endless one-night stands before ‘finding God’, but now plans to wait until his wedding night to consummate his new relationship. 

The author, speaker and entrepreneur admits he was something of a ‘man-whore’ throughout his twenties, sleeping with different girls with whom he shared no emotional connection. 

But his lifestyle dramatically changed in March 2000, when he encountered a ‘spiritual awakening with God and Christianity’ that lead him on a path to celibacy.

Rob took a self-imposed ban on sex and dating for six years, sheltering himself to ‘avoid sin’ until, in 2006, his cravings for having relationships lead him back to the partying scene.  

Little by little he started picking up his bad habits and eventually went back to his old ways.

In 2011, he felt guilty about the mistakes he made and committed to celibacy again, and has been abstinent ever since. 

In October 2018, Rob re-connected with an acquaintance from his past and they have been dating ever since but he plans to wait to have sex until after he is married.

‘During my man-whore days I was a serial dater; I would sleep with girls quickly and sometimes inadvertently wind up in a relationship,’ Rob confessed.

‘Because I was evaluating girls from a purely surface level (physical attraction) our connection wasn’t deep.

 

‘So after not so long I would start feeling trapped in the relationship, attracted to other women, but not able to bring myself to break up with the girl I was dating, so I cheated.

‘In March of 2000, I had a radical life-changing encounter with Jesus Christ; I went from not knowing (or even thinking about) God to being very aware of Him and that He was asking me to follow Him, telling me He had a plan for my life.

‘After this my life changed drastically and I went from popular party boy to disillusioned Christian trying to find my place in the world.’

Since October 2018, Rob has been dating a woman who has accepted his celibacy vow and he says he will be ready to have sex when he is married.

‘She understands where I’m at and why I’m doing it. Yes, she is willing to wait. I will stay celibate until my wedding night. Then I plan on having all the sex,’ he said.

‘It can be hard to wait when you don’t even see the light at the end of the tunnel, meaning when you’re not even dating someone that you see potential with.

‘With her I definitely see long-term potential, so it makes it easier to wait to know this chapter of my life could be coming to a close after not so long.

‘Initially we met over 20 years ago. It sounds crazy but the very first time I heard God’s voice ever in my life was when he told me that she was my soulmate.

‘I waited for her for six years (abstinent) with almost no contact because I was so sure of this, that’s when I began to run out of steam and I backslid.

‘The last six years I was waiting for her, still believing what I heard eighteen-and-a-half years earlier, or God to bring another girl into my life and let me know the plan had changed. She contacted me out of the blue in October 2018.’

Rob says the transition has been difficult, but it has shaped him.

 

‘The transition from that to this has been very, very hard and painful, but it made me the man I am today, and I wouldn’t change a thing,’ he said.

‘Since I’ve been on this new path, I haven’t really dated all that much. When I became a Christian, I took six years off dating (and sex) believing God would send me my soulmate with enough good behaviour.

‘When it didn’t happen, I ran out of gas and began to make mistakes in 2006. In 2011 after making a complete mess of my life and not liking how I felt about myself one bit, I re-dedicated my life to Christ, got sober and became abstinent in June of 2012.

‘Outside of one slip up in May 2015 with a girl I am close friends with, I have been abstinent ever since. I chose this lifestyle because I want to be obedient to God and fall in love (I’ve never been in love) and have guilt-free sex.’

Despite successfully remaining celibate, he has found the journey difficult and he has received some negative comments from strangers who thought he was ‘crazy’ or ‘stupid’.

Rob didn’t let this stop him from achieving his goal and has learnt to ignore those who criticise his decision to stay celibate.

He set up a non-profit charity called CityFam through his local church to volunteer with food drives and disaster relief for the poor.

‘People have told me I’m stupid and crazy. You must have a healthy ego and ignore people that hate. I was also like them at one point and didn’t understand the value of waiting for sex,’ he said.

‘It was only after years of following this path that it started to make sense to me. I now understand it completely.

‘I feel like I can explain it better than anyone on earth; mostly because I don’t think anyone in the history of the world has lived at such polar ends of the spectrum when it comes to sex. This is why I wrote the book Why Waiting Works.

‘The lack of sex has been the hardest part. There were also the lonely nights, leaving every party by yourself, never having anyone to cuddle or spoon with or run their finger through your hair and tell you that everything was going to be alright after a hard day.

‘Being misunderstood by friends and family has also been hard; seeing friends get married and have kids and being at places with little kids running around thinking, “I was doing this when they were still single”. Having to go to every party solo; weddings and holidays were especially hard.

‘I’ve kept very strong boundaries with females for the last three-and-a-half-years. After my last mistake I didn’t want to run the risk of messing up again, so I decided not to spend time alone with women.

‘I haven’t really dated because I was waiting for God to tell me who to ask out, or someone to completely knock my socks off that I would have tried to convince God to tell me yes to dating.

‘Up until October 2018 neither had happened so I didn’t really date for over six years. However, in October a girl from my past reached out to me and we have been dating ever since. The funny thing is, it was the girl who told me 18-and-a-half-years-ago that she was my soulmate.

‘When I turned my life around, I had to do something with my time and energy, so I dove in head first at a local church.

‘We did coat drives and food drives, disaster relief and more. The volunteering healed me from my past mistakes and helped me like myself again.

‘It made me feel proud of myself. I started organising non-faith-based service events for them to participate in. This is what lead me to starting the non-profit CityFam.

‘My experience has taught me that love equals sacrifice. With every shortcut there is a consequence, we might not see it right away but sure enough there is.

‘Having sex without a real commitment is a community killer. Community is what makes life rich, having a support system, people to inspire and encourage you, things to do and people to do them with. Adding value to others is what builds community.’ 

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